I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
