I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
