Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
