I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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