I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize