We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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