if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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