the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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