Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I need moral support for this bender
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
