We named our party play list daddy issues
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
