Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
