It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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