facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
