So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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