i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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