His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
