He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
