Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
