I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
