tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
