Me. At least after what I've been through.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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