ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
