So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
babies were throwing up all over the place
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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