Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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