Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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