So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
