Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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