So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
