shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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