Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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