HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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