i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
