I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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