So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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