This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
