sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Pooping to opera.
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