Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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