his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
