Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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