Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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