This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
