Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
