Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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