tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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