he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
