I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
