I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
