im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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