I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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