Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
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Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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