i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
