I could make wine with my vomit
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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