how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
