Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
