Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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