i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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