mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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