I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
