i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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