Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
