remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
