he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
