I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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