Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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