we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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