'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
