i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
