Where did you get a picture of my penis
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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