Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Damn victory sex feels great
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
