he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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