Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
